Paradox

Reflectia: Isn't it funny how we aspire to the character of someone like Jean or the grace of Cosette, but in truth are more like Javert in his moral struggle or even Thenardier in his personal desires? It is sobering and somewhat...depressing to think of it that way or even know that we will never achieve 'goodness', free of sin. For in believing that we are free from sin, we immediately lapse into pride, that demon that existed before Lucifer. Thus it is that the righteous cannot know of their righteousness. Are they doomed to torture themselves eternally by holding themselves to a fundamentally unattainable standard?

Sophia: Isn't the same true of wisdom? Are the wise by the same principle compelled to think of themselves as fools even though they among all people least deserve the title?

Reflectia: I thought I was alone, but then are we are not siblings inseparable? It seems to me that it is not so for the wise. They seem to be and since they need to hide nothing pettily, therefore must be in perfect equilibrium, being in a position and having spiritual authority to judge. Yet they do not 'judge' as lesser men do, but induce those lesser men to judge themselves. But how does one achieve such a state?

Sophia: There's little one can do about lesser men. Leave them to their own karma and yours to yourself.

Reflectia: *sighs* I keep telling myself that. But it's at those times that I consider all the failures of self-discipline. The consequence of imperfect self-control is despair, but perhaps it is an ironic thing to 'desire' self-control, for it will not be found that way.