Now what?

In the end, gaming can't distract me forever. CnC Generals Hard campaigns and challenges get done, TF2 achievements run out, VC was done a long time ago and I don't have a PS3 anyway.

When it comes to more sordid matters of social advancement, I have been considerably luckier than I expected. So many others deserved more but I probably got more than I deserved anyhow. Still, I think it dangerous for the soul to be defined by one's results, good or not so.

I don't feel as if I have grasped what the end of formal education means, or 'adulthood' for the matter. I know a lot of people who are starting to make applications, and I remember wondering if I ought to be like them and get the show on the road. But then I felt it wasn't exactly the 'right' time for myself - I am waiting for something. Of course, it makes for some insecurity not knowing what exactly that is, but somehow I'm contented to wait.

I postulated that it is a calling perhaps. It's believable that I could be in need of a new life vision. Not that I'm completely clueless about the man I want to be. I think I want to be 'great'. What that entails and how to get there are probably more complicated. Perhaps it would be 'great' to be able to live rightly and justly - to be saintly. To do that, I'd need to know God and all the beautiful things that are the glory of God. That probably means to meet God and His World.

I wonder if I can find what I'm looking for in the army.

It's one thing to actually find a career there. On the other hand, I have few doubts that if I looked with the right eyes, I would glimpse God and the World there. And it is never a bad thing to experience the glory of God.

Thus, I look with anticipation to seeing the world.

I thought to myself; the state will bring the world to me, I won't have to move from here till they drag me away. When they do so I won't resist anyway. But then I also realized: am I really 'not moving' where I am now? Sure, life seems slower nowadays, but then the pace makes me think and realize things about the past I never thought of before. Isn't that a form of experience as well?

I wonder if I could possibly live out the rest of my life like this. Of course I can't do that, realistically speaking - things would happen to me. But would it be spiritually 'good'? Probably not. Not forever at least. Maybe it may be good for a time, but my lifespan is limited and the World is so large that it would be a pity if I lingered too long in one place.

I shouldn't stay more than 3 days in the same town.